What to Do if You Find a Nest of Centipedes in Your Vagina
1. Don't panic. Studies show that 1 out of 3 gay men have centipedes or centipede-like-creatures in their vaginas.
2. If you are a man and discover that you not only have a vagina, but that it is filled with centipedes, you may wish to panic a little.
3. Centipedes are insectivores. In order to entice the centipedes to leave your vagina, you may wish to try the following fun home Blue Peter-esque project:
1. You will need a tampon, a cockroach, some Scotch tape, and a centipede-filled vagina. If you are under 18, be sure to ask your parents' permission before attempting to remove centipedes from your vagina.
2. Tape the cockroach to the tampon and insert it into your centipede-filled vagina
3. Slowly (and if possible, erotically) pull the string until the be-cockroached tampon slides out of your centipede-filled vagina
4. If you are lucky, one or more centipedes will have gone for the bait and evacuated your now slightly less centipede-filled vagina. Repeat until you are satisfied with the centipede density in your vagina.
5. Helpful hint: since all centipedes are azn, if they are not taking the bait it may be helpful to cater to their particular tastes. You may want to soak the tampon in soy sauce, or liberally apply sweet-and-sour sauce to the cockroach. Avoid at all costs the temptation to subsitute General Tso's chicken for the cockroach. Your vagina will thank you.
4. Should you need to enlist the help of others, be sure to state in a loud, clear voice that there are centipedes inside you. This will cause them to ask where, and give you the opportunity to mutter "in mah vagina" semi-coherently like Hillary Swank in Boys Don't Cry. That's always funny
There are Centipedes in My Vagina and I'm Not Afraid to Use Them
Like everything else that comes into or out of your vagina, centipedes entitle you, as a woman, to special treatment. It is therefore your Goddess-given right—nay, verily, your duty—to mention your centipede-filled vagina at all opportunities. You should assume that everyone who disagrees with you, makes fun of you, or fails to buy you things from your wishlist does so because he is prejudiced against you due to your centipede-filled vagina.
The key to making your centipede-filled vagina into an effective bargaining tool is to bring attention to it as loudly as possible. Some suggested options are "I have a vagina"