C'mon gruff you must
Answer the Bone-A-Phone
Assault on a Friendly Weapon
Backstroke Roulette
Baiting your Hook
Batting Practice
Beating the Bishop
Beating your Meat
Being your Own Best Friend
Blow Your Load
Bludgeon the Beefsteak
Boppin' your Bologna
Box the Jesuit (16th-17th century!)
Buffing the Banana
Burping the Worm
Butter Your Corn
Calling Down For More Mayo
Calling All Cum
Carrying Weight
Changing your Oil
Charm the Cobra
Choke the Serriff and Wait for the Posse to Come
Choke your Chicken
Clean the Pipes
Clean your Rifle
Clubbing Eddy
Couch Hockey for One
Crank the Shank
Crown the King
Custer's Last Stand
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mother Palm and Her Five Daughters
Devil's Handshake (Catholic School)
Diddle
Dishonorable Discharge
Disseminating
Doddle Whacking
Doodle Your Noodle
Do The Dew
Drain the Vein
Dropping A Line
Dropping Stomach Pancakes
Fist your Mister
Five Against One
Five Finger Knuckle Shuffle
Flute Solo
Freeing the Willies
Frigging the Love Muscle (British)
Getting In Touch With Your Manhood
Getting In Touch With Yourself
Getting to Know Yourself Personally in the "Biblical Sense"
Giving it a Tug
Greasing your Bone
Hack the Hog
Hands on Training
Hand to Gland Combat
Having a Roy (Australian)
Have One Off the Wrist
Hitchhike Under the Big Top
Holding All The Cards
Holding Your Sausage Hostage
Hone your Bone
Hump your Fist
Hump your Hose
Humpin' Air
Ironing Some Wrinkles
Jack Hammer
Jack Off
Jackin' the Beanstalk
J Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
Jelly Roll
Jenny Macarthy Jaunt
Jerk Off
Jerk the Gherkin
Jiggle the Jewelry
Jimmying your Joey
Knuckle Shuffle on your Piss Pump
Launching the Hand Shuttle
Making Nut Butter
Making Yogurt
Mangle the Midget
Manipulate the Mango
Manual Override
Masonic Secret Self Handshake
Massage your Muscle
Massage your Purple-Headed Warrior
Measuring For Condoms
Meeting with Palmala Handerson
Milking the Lizard
Milkywaying
Moulding Hot Plastic
Nerk your Throbber
Oil the Glove
One Handed Clapping
One Man Show
One Man Tug-O-War
Paddle the Pickle
Pam Anderson Polka
Pat the Robertson
Peel Some Chilis
Playing With Dick
Playing With Susi Palmer and her five friends
Play Pocket Pool
Play the Organ
Play the Pisser
Play the Piss Pipe
Play the Skin Flute
Play the Stand-Up Organ
Playing With the Snake
Playing Your Instrument
Plunk your Twanger
Pocket Pinball
Pocket Pool
Polish the Chrome Dome
Polish the Rocket
Polish the Sword
Polish your Bayonet
Polish your Helmet
Polish your Piece
Popping The Purple Pimple
Pound Off
Pound Your Piss Pump
Pounding your Pud
Pudwhacking
Pud Wrestling
Puddin'
Pull the Root
Pulling The Wire
Pulling Your Goalie
Pull your Taffy
Pumping For Pleasure
Pump the Python
Punchin' The Clown
Punchin' The Munchkin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the Bishop
Ride the Great White Knuckler
Rolling The Fleshy Blunt
Roman Helmet Rhumba
Ropin' the Long Horn
Roughing up the Suspect
Rounding Up the Tadpoles
Runka (Swedish)
Scratching the Itch
Seasonin' Your Meat
Sending out the Troops
Shaking Hands With Abe Lincoln
Shaking Hands With the Governor
Shaking Hands With Shorty
Shake the Snake
Shifting Gears
Shooting Sherman
Shucking Bubba
Slammin' the Salami
Slappin' Pappy
Slapping the Clown
Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Slap My Happy Sacks
Slapping the Cyclops
Slinging Jelly
Sloppy Joe's Last Stand
Sloppy Sign Language
Stroke the Stallion
Smacking your Sister
Spank your Monkey
Spear Chucking
Spreading the Mayo
Spunk the Monk
Squeeze the Cream From the Flesh Twinkie
Squeeze the Lemon
Squeezing the Tube of Tooth Paste
Squeezing the Burrito
Staff Meeting
Stall Clapping
Stroke Off
Stroking It
Stroking your Goat
Stroke your Poker
Taking a Shake Break
Tame the Wild Hog
Tap the Turkey
Tease the Python
Tease the Weasle
Tenderize the Meat
The Erky Jerk
The Sticky Page Rhumba
Threading a Needle
Throw off a Batch
Throwin' Down
Thump the Pump
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the Pickle
Toss Off
Toss the Boss
Toss the Turkey
Tugging your Tapioka Tube
Tugging your Toobsteak/Toobsnake
Tug of War with Cyclops
Tuning the Antenna
Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
Tussle with Your Muscle
Unwapping the Pepperoni
Varnishing the Cane
Wailing
Walk the Dog
Walking Willie the One Eyed Wonder Worm
Wank (British)
Waxing the Dolphin
Wax your Jackson
Wax your Weasel
Wax your Willy
Whack Off
Whack Your Tack
Whip the Dummy
Whip your Dripper
Whipping the One-Eyed Wonder Weasle
Whipping the Pony
Whipping the Window Washer
White Water Wristing
Whizzin' Jizzim
Wiggling your Worm
Winding the Jack In The Box
Wonk your Conker
Working a Cramp out of your Muscle
Working your Willy
Wrestling the Eel
Wring Out your Rope
Wring Your Thing
Yahtzee
Yank My Doodle (It's a Dandy)
Yank Off
Yank the Yodle
Yank your Crank
once in awhile don't you?